It’s probably not a good sign for my career in sports writing to begin with the most overanalyzed matchup of the last decade, but I feel like I can’t possibly write a week 12 retrospective column without acknowledging the fact that Tom Brady and Peyton Manning just played an overtime game on Sunday Night Football. I hate Tom Brady. I like Manning, but I constantly feel as if I have to let people know that he really isn’t some sort of quarterback messiah sent from the heavens to let us mortals bask in his glory. The guy is a master at the line of scrimmage, but come on. We already have a quarterback messiah and he’s currently in Green Bay packing fresh snow straight off the sidewalk onto his collarbone. He’s even got a fantastic stache going. Peyton could not grow that stache.
As for the game itself, my friends and I switched back and
forth between it and the Grey Cup (much to one of my friend’s dismay…On another
note, former undrafted free agent signee of the San Francisco 49ers Kory Sheets
put Saskatchewan on his back do and broke a Grey Cup rushing record in the
process). The game itself was something of an enigma to me. It should have been
a great game; I mean it was an overtime game between two Hall of Famers at the
ends of their careers—perhaps the last time Peyton takes the field at Foxboro. The
problem is, with a game with so much supposed drama, I really didn’t feel any
actual drama.
Where was the surprise in that game? Could it have been
anymore scripted? I’ve seen this game before, it was like déjà vu of a moment I
didn’t care to have. When the Broncos went into halftime with a 24-0 lead, my
friend turned to me and said, “Patriots are going to come back.” Of course they
were; I told him I legitimately wouldn’t be surprised. And I wasn’t.
There was
no oh-my-god moment where I’m sitting at the edge of my seat disbelieving that
Tom Brady was leading a wild comeback against Peyton Manning, who—with the wind
at his back—kept running the ball as if a 24, then 17, then 10 point lead
actually meant something. I feel like this was every game Manning and Brady
have ever played all chewed up and regurgitated. Maybe that’s what some people
wanted.
Maybe part of my dispassion for the game was the fact that I know I can’t
watch ESPN or NFL Network until Thanksgiving because they’ll be rubbing
themselves to this game for 45 minutes of every hour for the next three days. I
just can’t help but think the best way this game could have ended was with the
Patriots completely falling apart in the second half and Peyton running up the
score because his dad’s fantasy team really needed a big day from Jacob Tamme,
who he picked up off waivers with insider info that Julius Thomas would be
inactive, sending Tom Brady into one of his patented tantrums on the sideline
while Gronk laughed and thought about racially insensitive things and banging pornstars.
That would have been a game worth watching. This tired script of Brady the
Great coming back to defend his icy Foxboro kingdom against a noodle-armed
Manning who can’t hit Demaryius Thomas twenty yards downfield in the wind is
just that, tired. I’m over it.
What I’m not going to be tired of is six insanely flawed,
how-can-they-possibly-be-playoff-material teams fighting for the right to make
the playoffs in the AFC. The AFC is crazy. The Titans, Steelers, Ravens,
Chargers, Jets and Dolphins are all at 5-6. I could make great arguments for
each as to why they will get in the playoffs; the Titans have the schedule, the
Ravens and Steelers have the pedigree, the Chargers just beat a 9-2 team on the
road, the Jets have a great defense and the Dolphins are probably the most
all-around talented team of the bunch. I can also make a great argument against
each of these teams; they aren’t very good. They’re all under .500 and not a
single one looks like it would have a chance against any other playoff team in
the AFC, not even the Bengals.
I’d honestly lean towards the Ravens or Steelers
because that pedigree does mean something, they have been through this before,
but I just don’t see it. I don’t see this version of the Ravens making some
sort of thrilling run through the playoffs, not with Ray Rice averaging 2.5 ypc
on a good day. The Steelers have the oldest defense I’ve ever seen. They
actually look like they’re running in sand sometimes.
It’s just going to be a lot of fun
to watch these teams scrap and fight for the right to lose in one game, two if
they’re lucky.
The best team in AFC that doesn’t currently hold a playoff
seed is cursed. The Cleveland Browns are cursed. Their defense is legitimate,
better than any still standing at 5-6, maybe the best in the conference
depending on how long Justin Houston and Tamba Hali remain out. They have a
solid offensive line, they have a playmaking tight end and they have a budding
star in Josh Gordon—a real weapon. They also have an inept GM who traded away
Trent Richardson—who admittedly had been bad, and continues to be bad, but I
can’t find it in myself to say that T-Rich doesn’t make that team better. Even
worse though they just lost Jason Campbell at quarterback, and that is a big loss. Honestly, think about how cursed as a
franchise the Browns are, that seeing Jason Campbell leave a game as your
quarterback is a huge punch in the gut. It means hearing, as Bill Simmons puts
it, “the four most chilling words in football: ‘Here comes Brandon Weeden.’”
And that guy was a first-rounder! Last
season! Cleveland is cursed; cursed with bad luck and worse management.
As for the injury to Jason Campbell I can only say that it
will undoubtedly spawn an entire two to three thousand words in the coming
days. A clothesline hit around the helmet that caused a game-changing fumble
recovery (for a TD) and left the quarterback in a crumpled mess on the ground.
Sound familiar? I will not argue the 49ers should have won that game against
the Saints, but it is time to really lay into the NFL for the absolute garbage
standards they have for player safety and the preferential and arbitrary treatment
they give to those players and teams they care about more.
Another cursed team? The Lions. They are cursed by Jim
Schwartz and their own inability to play a consistent brand of football. A team
that should be taking a stranglehold on the division while Rodgers is sidelined
is instead peering over its shoulder at a team which is massively superior when
its star quarterback is on the field, and that day should be coming soon.
But I don’t want to talk about the Lions, I want to talk
about the guy they just lost to. Has anyone been watching Mike Glennon?
Seriously, like really, really watching him? Where are all the superlatives for
this kid? Where’s the hype? He’s played better since stepping in as starting QB
of a team that was among the league’s worst than any of the big young guns last
season—aside from maybe Andrew Luck. We were all fascinated by the new breed of
mobile QBs—Wilson, Kaep and RGIII. I know I was. The amount of TV time and
analysis those guys got was mind-blowing. But here’s a tall, lanky,
pseudo-ginger who is quietly leading his team to wins on the strength of his
arm that no one cares about at all.
And here’s the kicker: I can’t find any caveats to place on
his game. There’s no read-option that can be figured out, there’s no special
pass rush that contain him, there’s no defensive-coordinators catching up to
his style, there’s no gimmicky, single-read offense built around him, there isn’t
a strong-running game to lean on or a vaunted defense to fall back to. He’s a
rookie and he’s making all the reads, making all the throws, and winning games
for his team. The Bucs are winning games because of Mike Glennon, not despite
him. (And OK the defense pulled through with a pick-6 and a number of other
turnovers against the Lions, and Bobby Rainey ran through a non-existent
Falcons defense the previous week, but still, it’s not as if they are hiding
Glennon.)
I’m calling it now, and I may look like a fool later on, but Mike
Glennon is for real and he’s here to stay. The guy is good.
What does this mean for the game of football? Nothing
really. Nothing we didn’t know or expect. The game isn’t evolving around the “mobile
quarterback.” At least not any more so than when Fran Tarkenton was playing, or
when Randall Cunningham was playing, or Steve Young, or Kordell Stewart, or or
or or. They’re fascinating and special, but that’s about the end of it.
There’s
only one kind of QB that succeeds in the NFL: a good one. It doesn’t matter if
they’re short or tall, or fast or slow, or anything. QBs have to have it in their
DNA, and the only way you can know a good one from a bad one is to watch on
Sundays.
Speaking of new-agey, mobile quarterbacks, how ‘bout Cam
Newton? Guy has really flipped a switch and figured it out. He’s not elite, but
he’s close enough to win the Super Bowl with that defense and that coaching
staff. I don’t know what Ron Rivera has been doing, but he went from a coach no
one outside of Carolina knew of or cared about to one of the better decision
makers in all of football—and his best decision was hiring Mike Shula to
replace Rob Chudzinski. Shula got off to a slow start, but if there’s a guy
outside of Sean Payton calling better games than Shula right now I want to know
about him.
Aren’t the Panther really who the 49ers were supposed to be?
The tough-nosed defense flying all over the field, hitting people and forcing
turnovers; the chew-up-the-clock offense running the ball and putting it into
the hands or their ultra-talented young quarterback for big plays and
scramble-magic—it’s the blue print we all envisioned before we thought of the
Lombardi trophy being hoisted above Frank Gore’s beautiful, bald, thick-ass
head and neck.
I think the 9ers can still get there, and I think that with
a healthy receiving corps we can be better than the Panthers. I’ll take Frank,
Vernon, Crabs, Boldin and Mario over DeAngelo, Greg Olsen, Steve Smith, Brandon
LaFell and Ted Ginn any day. The question is whether or not Kaepernick can
emulate the fantastic play of Cam Newton and whether Greg Roman can call a game
better than a high school coordinator.
Still, sometimes we as 49er fans have to put things in
perspective. It might feel as if we are the worst off among all the preseason
Super Bowl contenders, but then there’s Green Bay sliding without Rodgers and
the Ravens whose offense has been more poorly coordinated than ours. But there
are no teams in the entire NFL who’ve had more disappointing seasons than the
Texans and Falcons. That’s obvious.
We all know this. Not only were those two
teams popular picks to win their conferences, they were a popular Super Bowl
matchup. Some major sports pundits called a Houston and Atlanta Super Bowl less
than fourth months ago! I don’t know how they’ve kept their jobs, or got them
in the first place. I should have their job. I want it.
The crazy thing of it is, that while I was never very much
on the Falcons bandwagon—I did think
the Texans were a good team, just not a Super Bowl capable team—I don’t think
anyone saw these meltdowns coming. I didn’t. Matt Schaub somehow got David Carr
syndrome without the shellshock of being hit more times than a Mayweather
punching bag.
The Falcons are a little more obvious to deduce; their
defense was terrible last year and continued to be terrible this year and they
lost Julio Jones and Roddy White for long stretches of the season. A team I
expected to hover around .500 when fully healthy got the injury bug in a bad
way.
Still, these are two teams that are objectively better and
more talented than say the Jaguars, or the Buccaneers, or even the Jets and the
Raiders and the Vikings. Yet they are in play for the No. 1 and No. 2 picks in
the NFL Draft! I mean you could easily see a Chief-esque turnaround for these
two teams.
Imagine…
The Texans pick first in the draft, selecting Teddy
Bridgewater. If Andrew Luck can win 11 games with whatever garbage the Colts
had on the offensive line and on defense in 2012, with Reggie Wayne, T.Y.
Hilton and a pair of rookie tight ends to throw too, plus a running game led by
Vick Ballard, just think of the success Bridgewater could have playing in a
quarterback friendly offense with a stout O-Line, Andre Johnson, DeAndre
Hopkins, Owen Daniels, Garret Graham and Arian Foster at his disposal—with a
defense at his back that has the best defensive player on earth wreaking havoc.
That’s a team with double digit wins.
Imagine…
The Falcons have the second pick in the draft, selecting
Jadaveon Clowney. He immediately fixes their single biggest issue; a defensive
presence, a pass rush. He makes everyone around him better, especially a
secondary that has the personnel to be good. Thomas DeCoud and William Moore
are a solid safety duo. Asante Samuel isn’t what he once was, but he’s still a
ball hawk, and with a real pass rush he can gamble more—turn the ball over more
for Matt Ryan. Same goes for two promising rookies in Desmond Trufant and
Robert Alford. Julio Jones and Roddy White come back healthy, and with a
defense that is even remotely average, instead of horrendous, that team could
win double digit games.
The draft is supposed to promote parity, and I think on the
whole it works to that end, but we could see in two consecutive years good teams
coming out of the draft richer than the bad teams that need help the most.
I’ll be doing a little preview of the 49ers Monday Night
game later today, so check in for that.
I also want to let it be known that I don’t care what anyone
else does, I don’t care what here or his family says, when I shorten Kaepernick
it’s “Kaep” not “Kap.”
Alright, after a long first article/column/rant I’ll leave
you with the best thing I saw in the NFL yesterday, a bro “fight”:
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